May 6, 2009
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So some of you on my protected posting list already know that I've been struggling with whether or not I want to attempt to lose my virginity as soon as possible, or do it whenever it comes into question, or if I want to wait until I'm with a woman who I've had a healthy relationship with for a while, or if I want to wait until marriage. I was raised in a Christian family, and while I never was a Christian, I always liked the idea of a couple saving themselves until marriage. Basically, I've been thinking about the whole concept quite a bit, because I wanted to be prepared with an answer when the time does come.
I made a guest post on one of Xanga's sister sites, Datingish, and I got quite a bit of feedback. I wasnt asking for the right answer, I'm not about to live my life based on others' opinions, but I wanted to get an idea of what everyone else thought. I got over 200 unique comments! I feel like alot of people got the wrong impression that I was dead-set on waiting until marriage, which isnt the case. While it's true that I consider sex to be a deeply spiritual thing, I also love the physical relief aspect of it. It feels good, and I know I'll love it when it happens, no denying that. Of course I'll love fucking. But I'd rather my very first time be something emotionally meaningful instead of physical relief.
I've finally come to a conclusion on the whole sex thing, this is my own opinion, not anyone else's. I've decided that my first time will be with someone who I've had a healthy relationship with for a while. I wont necessarily wait for marriage, but if that's something that she wants, then I'll do it. That would be special, but I honestly dont expect it in the type of society that we live in nowadays.
I'm glad that I've finally come to a conclusion that I feel comfortable with. I know that this is all may seem a bit silly to alot of you who've been doing it for years, but it was a hard decision for me and I spent years thinking about it. It'll probably be a long time until sex actually happens for me anyways, since I havent even received my first kiss yet, or gotten a girlfriend. I get alot of flack for that. But I see it happening in the foreseeable future, I've really cleaned up my life and I've noticed that girls are alot more attracted to me now than they ever were before. Eating healthy, exercising, taking care of my body, quitting alcohol, going the extra mile each morning to look my best, it's TOTALLY worth it. Deleting all of my porn, leaving my door open more, getting some sun and fresh air, getting on my current ADHD perscription, no longer visiting message boards and flaming and trolling, no longer making racist/sexist/perverted jokes, getting started on work instead of procrastinating, hitting up the gym, all of these things have ultimately made my life better. 2009 has been my great year of change for the better.
Comments (17)
i'm really glad that the post helped you make a decision for yourself - and i'm more glad that you took the opinions for what they were, thought about what YOU thought was best and made a choice. 3000 eprops!
I think you're doing the right thing! My opinion on sex was just to wait until you found someone you truly care for, and that the feeling was mutual. When the time is right- do it!
I'm happy that you've accomplished a lot so far this year, it sounds like you've changed a lot for the better! I hope you get that first kiss soon!
How old are you? May've missed it ._. Anyways, a million props
You are EXTREMELY rare. Like rare, RARE. I hope you find that woman some day. There's someone out there for everyone, I think. Good luck 
This blog hits home because it is something I have spent many years contemplating. I grew up Christian, and was going to wait until marriage, but then I lost the faith I had and perspectives on things change (especially marriage) and all that. But I have came to the same conclusion you have. I will wait for that special someone. I've waited this long, right? lol
Yeah I agree do it when you feel you should.
this also decreases the chance of having kids.
because we all know kids arent green...you get one, then you have to buy a minivan...then...
I really like your decision about it, and think it's a very good one. I have always debated it too (I'm still a virgin) and wasn't sure if I wanted to wait until marriage or what? Maybe that will be the case, but I think just when the time comes when I'm in a healthy relationship with someone and we botttth want it, then maybe it'll happen.
Glad things are going good though Michael
Wow. Yeah, I didn't know all this about you, but you sure have cleaned up your life. Kudos to you.
For whatever it's worth, I did the same thing as your conclusion about sex. Also, for whatever it's worth, fucking wasn't as great as I thought it would be. Frankly, I was disappointed. My first partner told me it would be disappointing, and she was right, so yeah...
"I've decided that my first time will be with someone who I've had a healthy relationship with for a while. I wont necessarily wait for marriage, but if that's something that she wants, then I'll do it. That would be special, but I honestly dont expect it in the type of society that we live in nowadays. "
That's a good route to go. As someone who is still a virgin at age 21, I can tell you now that there are a couple of people I'm really glad I didn't lose it to. I think you're making the right choice.
Good for you
( still in high school) I gave up on finding a girl till next year in college. Most of the girls ( a good 80%) are not "good girls" or nice or "clean" eeeh my school sucks lol. Out of all the girls I have liked here, most of them were in that 20% of nice, clean, won't backstab you girls. I got ne of the evil ones and she backstabwd me the night I was going to tell her I liked her and all that crap. I can wait till next year for my first girlfreind, kiss, maybe fucking, date...
Doing what you think is right and not going on what others tell you is a very good idea. ha ha
@RedZeppelin6 -
I had the same problem in high school, college will definately be better for you.
@Gerald_Washington -
I aint gettin no minivan, Gerald =O
Thats what i'm hoping for =D ha ha
Man. Going to go to the outside world. I'll miss you. My cave filled with nom noms and porn is very comfortable...Joking aside go get laid ASAP using any method that doesn't involve direct payments (this include credit card payments), a drug that would reduce conciousness, or using drugs to trade for sex. I'm glad you doing things that you consider positive changes and I know that it's hard.
your a very good guy man
Hm.
This is interesting, though I have discussed this very same topic for as long as I can remember.
I'm 23 years old and I live in a world full of temptations. But I'm still a virgin. Sex is beautiful, but as for my own point of view, I wouldn't even want to give it to the person I have had a healthy relationship with....until my wedding night. People change and chances are, even if both lovers are in a very strong relationship, UNTIL you are married, nothing is ever permanent. And I'm a woman. I don't ever want to just have sex, for the sake that it's been too long a wait and we should just do it. Besides, I want to put God first and foremost in the center of the relationship, which is why I would wait till I could say my vows to my future spouse before I could caress his body.
In relation to this post, I honestly think masturbation is not a sin. It is normal and it is a means by which men and women could just get a release without having sex with someone.
I've come to a similar decision. Have no plans on having sex anytime soon even though I finally have someone I could do that with now (though he's 966 miles away but will be here in July). The funny thing is that having someone I want to commit to has completely changed my view on this. As you said, sex isn't just about the physical release. It's a spiritual act as well, uniting emotionally with another person. You want to be careful about who that person is and it sounds like that's your plan.
My own personal conviction is that I do want to actually get married or at the very least make that commitment before we take that step. Of course, in this day and age marriage is about as permanent as tattoos, but we both feel that way, that we want to wait, so I think it's something that every couple should talk about and not just jump into. Great post! Glad you're thinking about this and bettering yourself.